(1). Marriage can be an emotionally instigated reaction. When emotions run high and appear to be in control, reasoning remains docile. In such a moment, decisions towards marriage are executed to the detriment of the parties.
Emotions are short lived.
They block reasoning. Marriage on the contrary is life long. Its success is highly pegged on commitment and reasoning. Emotions include happiness, anger, fear and even sadness. Within happiness, one may be at the haze of sexual emotions. When in such a state, one’s body, majorly the feminine one is heavily sexed. This is portrayed by the tight exposing clothes that the woman may be wearing. The face looks, make ups, as well as the glittering feminine, and in these days, masculine figure and body, are at the center stage. Coupled with the age related libido, sex becomes a major contributor towards the union. The dominant factors become infatuation (I need you because you are sweet in bed) as well as possession (you are mine, and no one else should ever have you).
What then happens when these emotions and motives eventually shrivel and finally die away?
(2). Marriage can be a financially instigated reaction. It is true that couples do not eat “I love you”.
They neither live in a house paid for by “I love you” and do not pay their fees with a cheque written “I love you”.
A financial muscle is notably important in a marriage. In the developing world where job securities are as low as 30%, where income strands are often influenced by political stability and collapse following ethnic and election instigated violence, one has to largely think of financial stability before and during marriage. While this is necessary, placing one’s spouse at the same level as a bank, a financial source and security, and worse still, as an ATM whose deposit buttons are stuck leaving in operation the withdrawal ones only, the case is headed for human destruction.
The worse case scenario is when the persons entering into the institution has this financial card hidden under the table, only to be used, or discovered many years into the union.
(3). Marriage Pegged on Delusionary Love. Love is such a lovely and loving word, if only its true meaning was understood! For many, love is an emotion marked by kisses, embraces, and gifts.
No matter one’s earning ability, the African man is meant to demonstrate love to the woman through provisions. In an increasingly materialistic and consumer society, the things to be offered are non-ending. Within this love, the woman is meant to offer sex to the male lover in return for the provisions. Indeed this is love. With an increase on youth joblessness, amidst empty political promises, the young can keep waiting.
Little finances seem to come their way, when they are invited into political rallies, and when engaged in irregularly available casual tasks. Some have little choice but to engage in illegal business ventures. When back home with the goodies, oblivious of where their source is, love is noted. “ I shall love you, as emotions last; Love you for good and not for worse; in health but not in sickness; till death of love do us part”.
For both male and female, an immense sense of irresponsibility is found within this love. Lack of care and concern for even one’s flesh and blood.
Children are neglected, as threat to life shines.
Any one desiring to leave such a union, is threatened if not reduced to a corpse.
NB: Love is a decision and not an emotion. Thus its pronouncement has to wait till one is of adult age, for its validity.
Love goes beyond the emotional moment of the formal or informal day of union. It is a life long commitment that looks beyond the physical looks, beyond the financial ability, into a future of integral wellness of both parties and the offspring thereof.
It brings to play the role of children and appreciates the resilience and maturity that is brought about by challenges, suffering and overcoming. While some may whine at such a traditional description of love, that is what is sought in marriage. Devoid of time and generational bounds, this value based love is fulfilling.
It is not so much making of the partner perfect, but rather working towards being the perfect one. Within its boundaries, homicides, infanticides and suicides reduce.
Responsibility and care for the spouse prevail. Boundless giving of each other, amidst self sacrifice to see to the success of the other is the fore front.
When and only when the threat of life is not present in a relationship, does this love thrive. In sobriety, it flourishes. With deliberate effort and communication it flowers.
All based on a solid base of committed to the success of the marriage, is this love evidenced.
It is possible but hard work is needed.
