While it is possible that some couples raise tantrums when questioned, the following areas call for discussions. When ignored, these areas, prompt self-talks, feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Quiets in these areas, may lead to disillusionment culminating in frustrations, violence, separation and even divorce.
Couples need to discuss “TIME MANAGEMENT”
This entails areas such as times to leave home and times to get back home. How weekends are to be spent is also essential. This may also entail times during holidays and other vacation periods. Other notable areas of concern include waking up and sleeping times. Together with life and health, time is the third most important Divine gift, that is granted to the human person at equal measures. Africa is granted this gift with the equity of division between night and day.
The brightness of the day, allows one to be productive for 12 plus hours. A look at birds in Africa, gives such a model of diligence. These creatures start calling each other from sleep at 5 a.m. Starting their days early, birds roam all over in search of feed. This task continues to 5 p.m. completing a 12 hour non-stop search for sustenance.
How I wish human beings would utilize their times to such magnitudes!
Remember while we have a rest day at the end of the week, birds hardly have any rest days. It sad to see mindfulness at the level of birds, and fail to see the same at the level of human beings.
Let us manage our times to the full, for maximum productivity within our marriage setups.
CHILDREN are another area of spousal concern.
What number of children do we desire, and at what intervals?
As the children enter, where do we seek medical assistance, pre and post natal care in relation to Mother-Child Health?
As children mature, what schools should they attend, primary and even secondary?
What fees are we looking at and what source shall be utilized? When children reach teenage, the challenges certainly increase.
The identity search of teens invites surprises among parents that many a times, forces the spouses to shelve their differences and address those of these young minds.
When the topic has been ignored for long, these emergencies may lead to greater rifts among spouses where each blames the other.
Teenagers love this last way of rifting, since they can easily have their way, as each parent tries
to outdo the other, what a pity to the spouses, and to the teenagers!
IN-LAWS can be a thorn or a blessing.
It is important that the woman knows that she has a role to guard the husband from members of her family, and vice versa.
In an African set up where the woman moves to live in the compound of the husband’s family, the case can even be more volatile. On such occasions, the man has a double task, defending the wife from marauding attacks to these stranger.
Cases become even more cryptic when the newly married man, who was earlier financially assisting his family of origin, is unable to continue doing so, following added financial demands.
Mature and non-accusing communication on the subject matter, more so before problems and complains arise, are needed for an amicable living.
FINANCES:
Due to its challenge, more so in the developing world where it is so scarce, this topic has been discussed at length in part v.
SEX can very easily be reduced to intercourse.
While it is basically an animal activity, as answer to procreation, for the human beings, a deeper emotional tag is attached.
Sexuality, becomes an entire way through which persons express themselves and relate as male or female. Sex, is hence an expression of the sexuality, within the confines of a permanent union, namely marriage. Increasingly though, sex for some has become a business.
This is not only among commercial sex workers, but even among those whose bodies are sexed, in order to be used for adverts and promotions. Sex is seen as a leisure that is devoid of cost and can be misused by any, supported by my body my choice platform. In marriage, sex an be the preserve of male pleasure, while remaining a painful exercise for the female. It can be a selfish expression of muscle while for the woman it can be a bait when provisions are needed.
Sex needs to be discussed by the couples for it to be used purposefully for the cementing of the relationship. Dissatisfaction, can easily lead to breakages.
As couples age, and the sex prowess is challenged, or even when health conditions strike, and sex prowess is reduced, what happens to the relationship?
These matters call for deep thought realized through amicable proactive discussions.
SICKNESS and AGEING are a reality to be addressed.
Sickness reminds us of our fragile nature and in the developing world, largely depletes resources.
For those whose job engagements are fragile, they are easily sacked, and for those whose businesses are solely dependent on their day to day presence, the businesses face imminent death.
The result of this is increased financial strain and subsequent disillusionment. Depression, suicide and even homicides have sadly ensued for some. The not so welcome ageing, coupled with the challenges of negligence from the social securities, largely contribute to the challenges of the elderly.
Widowhood and widowerhood are also a big challenge in this arena. Since these are very likely areas in ones marriage life, it is only important that they are spoken about. The look at the worst scenarios, prepares the mind for eventualities.
It guards against overreactions and confusion when it occurs. While painful to think of it, such realities are worth some time and serious discussion.
WORK incorporates much more than job and employment.
Work responds to the Divine invitation to be co-creators. An artist creates a painting, a mason creates a house with the guidance of the architect, a teacher creates a thinking being in a student.
There is nothing that one can do for as many hours as work. Work generates life purpose, it gives us a meaning in life. How sad, when work is reduced to income generation! How sad it is when in the developing world, people’s earnings are not linked to work! Where persons earn so much from very little work and vice versa.
Corruption kills the very essence of work and generates and widens the divide between the haves and the have nots. In marriages where work is unavailable, unproductivity generates disillusionment. Where parents educate their children with an aim to getting white collar jobs, desperation ensues as they watch such children mature to adulthood, lacking the moral fiber to move and be by themselves.
A mind-shift is needed in families. The top down policies on job creation, destroy the value of work, rather, using a bottom up approach, parents have a duty to discuss on work, for themselves and for their children. They are to focus on productivity in the near and far future, for the sustainability of the family and all its members.
