Sex
Though a common practice among mammals amidst them apes and human beings, sex still remains mystical (Goodenough & Heitman, 2014; Ussher, 2017).
These drawings choose to shrewdly leave out the sexual parts and no wonder boys from the age of one easily find their palms sinking into their underpants, to feel and explore the hidden organs. A notable discovery linked to the Freudian psychosexual stages discusses the anile stage (1-3 years), where autonomy can easily pave way to shame and doubt. The following stage which Freud calls the Phallic stage has the dominance of initiative (sense of purpose) versus guilt (3-6 years). In this second stage the Oedipus complex where the boy has the desire to possess the mother, and the Electra complex where girls have penis envy, emerge (Chery, 2020).
In the villages, those familiar with Swahili know the statement “tabia mbaya” (bad manners) (The Sunday Standard).
The term is used to refer to the private parts and to any attempts to fondle and try to discover them. Children are warned by their caregivers not to touch “tabia mbaya”. This only helps to heighten the mystery, while shaming the sexual organs, and sex.
What then is associated with these organs that the Creator looked and pronounced, “Behold it is very good!”
What is the challenge surrounding the act that the Creator so befitting to subject the creation to, in order to ensure propagation and continuation of generations?
On this special weekend when we celebrate the World Sexual Health Day, such a reflection is necessary.
Caregivers have a role to demystify the sexual organs by desisting from using the terms as insults. Repeated lack of mention linked to inappropriate mentioning shames a vital body organ. Associated with shame and taboo, sex is left to the young minds of the adolescents.
While we can easily demonize the act, through instilling fears of pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections, while adding the statements that it is sinful, the psychological devastation surrounding sex are ignored.
Young minds hardly realize that a concentration on sex at a tender age, easily reduces them to sex objects. It also quickly usurps the energies meant for intellectual and professional development, thus rendering them incapable of competing with those who wait a little longer.
Heartaches that befall youth who engage in intimate sexual relationships often result. Not aware of the dynamics of permanent commitments, the youth easily use the term “I love you” to mean I desire to take you to bed for a selfish sexual act (infatuation) (Wheat & Wheat, 2010), or I desire that you entirely belong to me never to be touched by anyone else (possession).
Both these extremes easily lead to immense jealous, heart break and quick loss of life (suicide and homicide). Majorly, the hurt on the part of the girls is easily noted. For the girls, sex entails the giving up of an inner organ, hence more sensitive than that of males. On the contrary, males give an external organ.
It is not so strange to find men easily bragging of having had sex with a string of girls. For the males, sex could easily be just another conquest.
Back to the earlier mentioned terms: infatuation and possession, the two are often done with the guise that the participants are in love with each other.
However, sex and love are different. While sex is a natural animal act where the male genital organ is inserted into the feminine one, love is a decision to unconditionally give oneself fully to the other.
It therefore becomes a painful decision. Borrowing from Agape, Christ died due to love for humanity (Agape). A traditional adage states that a parent can easily cut themselves while doing so for the child, but not vice versa.
This means that parents easily go out of their way to sacrifice for the sake of their children. This is another love (Filial).
Eros love, has a sexual component. It explains the love between a man and a woman. For such a union to be formal and legal, consent is necessary hence ensuring maturity (adult). Then, the commitment becomes life-long (permanent) for good and for bad, till death does them part.
While it is easy to disregard the commitment part and concentrate on the sexual arousal and enjoyment part, the consequences of sex premarital and out of wedlock, cannot be ignored.
As you go through this wonderful weekend, give this some thought.
References
- Chery, K. (2020). Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development. Available at https://www.verywellmind.com/freuds-stages-of-psychosexual-development-2795962
- Goodenough, U. & Heitman, J. (2014). Origins of Eukaryotic Sexual Reproduction Cold Spring Harbor Perspectives in Biology. Available at https://cshperspectives.cshlp.org/content/6/3/a016154.long.
- The Sunday Standard (n.d). Dad and mum’s ‘tabia mbaya’: How single rooms induct kids into intercourse. Available at https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/entertainment/nainotepad/2001277820/dad-and-mums-tabia-mbaya-how-single-rooms-induct-kids-into-intercourse
- Ussher, J. M. (2017). Unraveling the Mystery of “The Specificity of Women’s Sexual Response and Its Relationship with Sexual Orientations’’: The Social Construction of Sex and Sexual Identities. Archeological Sexual Behavior, 46, 207–1211 DOI 10.1007/s10508-017-0957-x
- Wheat, E., & Wheat, G. (2010). Intended for Pleasure. Michigan: Revel.
